Elia Viviani won stage one of the Tour of Britain

I thought he’d done a piss-taking pinky-fingers-out reference to us being a nation of effete tea-drinkers as he crossed the finish line, but it turned out that the website we were reading had used a photograph from a completely different race.

Mark Cavendish?

Sort of boxed in. Didn’t really compete for the sprint.

Bradley Wiggins?

Went for a mid-stage time bonus and earned himself a single second. It does seem that he’s serious about this race.

Owt else?

Alex Dowsett made a strong late attack which didn’t come to much. It seems he too might be going for the general classification.

Stage two

The Lake District, including Honister Pass – which is bloody nasty, by the way.