Andre Greipel – Tour de France rider to know and love

Andre Greipel’s nickname is ‘Gorilla’. I sort of get this. I presume it’s a reference to his round-armed sprinting style and his gargantuan physique. You don’t think a cyclist could have a gorilla body? Take a look at Greipel’s legs of ham.

He also resembles a basking shark with his wide mouth sucking up all the oxygen within a five-mile radius. You’d think it would act like a wind break, slowing him down. It probably does, but aerodynamics are not Andre Greipel’s concern.

Where Mark Cavendish is all low and sleek and totally aerodynamic, Greipel is a big, wide sail. The fact that he can compete with the Manx Missile is entirely down to spectactularly brutal force. Greipel stands up and stamps on the pedals as if he’s making wine and the grapes have been sleeping with his missus.

Take that, pedals!